Depression - The other side of COVID-19

Hi. Pretty sure that if you're reading this, you know that I suffer from severe clinical depression. You probably also know that I suffer from PTSD due to one particularly bad year (not going to rehash the details, just trust me on this one). But, after a lifetime of depression and many years of PTSD, I'm starting to get better. I'm happy to be alive again. I don't have as many triggers and I don't often fall into the frozen food aisle at my local grocery sobbing.

Then came 2020. COVID-19 reared up, and something familiar happened to me. It was like the old high-school bully showed up on my doorstep offering to buy me a beer and reminisce about the "good old days" when he constantly beat me to a pulp and gave me wedgies. And the thing is, it was comfortable. I got it. I understood this feeling of isolation. I get the feeling of hopelessness that everyone now seems to be feeling. I used to feel that all the time.

That feeling of "this will all be over soon," followed by the interminable waiting.

That feeling of "I can last through this," followed by nagging fear that this time, it will beat me.

That feeling of "oh my Gods, what am I going to do if something happens to the people I love?"

Yeah. I get it. I feel it. I'm just like you. And now, you're just like me.

You want to reach out and be with friends, but you can't. If you do, you could literally kill them. You want to go to a restaurant but you can't because being out in public scares the shit out of you now because you don't know who is or who isn't carrying the dreaded coronavirus. You'd give your right arm for just the ability to go to the freaking grocery and get the comfort food or, Gods forbid, just the necessities only to find out that someone else got them all.

Someone else.

Not you.

And so you sit in your home and try so hard to keep your chin up. All the while, the specter of death is looming somewhere nearby. And I'm not being hyperbolic here. The last time I checked, a quarter million Americans were infected, and more than five thousand had died. Sure, ten thousand recovered, but that doesn't mean those five thousand people should count less. You sit. You hope for good news. You hope for no news because the news that's coming is bad. All bad. And every time you open the news, there are more people dying, more desperation in their voices, more doctors who are fighting for all they're worth. And in the end, it just beats you down.

Beats.

You.

Down.

Gods why...why...why...why..?

That's depression. That feeling of grief for things you planned and no longer get to do. For things you may never get to do. That feeling of being beaten down by the constant negativity of the news. That feeling that maybe it will never be okay again. That feeling that someone has to do something, anything, but nobody knows what. And all you can do is sit and wait while history happens around you, and you hope death doesn't notice you watching.

So why am I writing this? I'm not gloating, I promise you. I'm writing this because in this case, I'm the veteran. I've been here. I understand the mindset, and I've developed some hard coping skills that have literally kept me alive for years. I thought I might offer some to you.

• Keep to a schedule - Lots of us are working from home now, and after the novelty of attending meetings without pants over ZOOM and enjoying our dogs all day wears off, you realize that you're really kind of under house arrest. You start to lose interest in the things you do every day because, hey, who gives a shit, right? Not like anyone can see you or gives a damn whether or not you shower anyway, right? WRONG. You should care. Stick to the same schedule you do when you're working onsite. Why? Because you, as a human being, crave structure. Get up at your normal time, shower, put on clothes (okay, sweats, shorts, or something you wouldn't normally wear to the office), and eat breakfast. And make sure you put on CLEAN clothes every day. You don't want the neighbors to call the police thinking you've died over there because you smell so bad. Set a definite start time, break time, and end time for work and stick to it. Keep that structure in your life. It makes the world seem less chaotic. 
• Exercise - Look, I get it. Exercise is a pain in the ass without a gym, and most of the time it sucks with a gym too. But you need to get moving. You need to put yourself in a state of survival. Even on lockdown, you can go out for a walk so long as you're not being stupid about it. Keep to social distancing, yes, and don't go anywhere too far away from your house. Or, if you truly can't leave the house, do yourself a favor and stretch every day. 
• Get some sun - Whether you can go outside or not, you've got windows. Use them. Vitamin D (from the sun) is important to your wellbeing, both physically and mentally. Take some time out of every day to just sit in a sunbeam and soak up the warmth. 
• Mental breaks - Yes, you're "at work" when you work from home. But you need to take some "you" time. Read a book for crying out loud. Take some time to engage the brain because, believe me, after a week in the same room of your house, nothing engages the brain anymore. You've passed that chair 8,000 times, the same plant 20,000 times, and the couch so often that it doesn't even register anymore. Your brain will just stop thinking about things and start omitting them. So give it something to do. Read. Do a puzzle. Hell, your cellphone has every kind of brain game known to mankind available. So use them. 
• Take social media breaks - Facebook is a cesspool of negativity and vapid comments. And it's fun for that very reason. However, you can only take so much before it starts beating you down. So give yourself a time by which you'll stop looking at it every day. Same for Twitter, and every other social media site out there.
• Stay in touch - We live in an incredible age. Twenty years ago, this kind of thing would've destroyed everyone. But now, we have Zoom, Google Hangouts, Discord, Line, and a thousand other programs designed to keep you in touch with your loved ones. So reach out to them. Look, you may think "they've got their own problems... They don't need my whiny ass taking up their time." But the thing is, they're likely saying the same thing. DO IT. Send them a text saying "hey, let's Zoom. I miss your face." Seeing them for even a few minutes will keep you from feeling so isolated, and I promise you'll feel better for it.
• Stay away from online shopping - Binge shopping will wipe out your bank account and fill your house with crap you don't need. It also welcomes more germs in the form of delivery people who are risking their lives for you to get the crap you don't need. 
• Forgive yourself - There's a bunch of people going around saying you have to be productive during this time, and it's fine if you want to be. But you don't have to be. Don't feel like you're letting anyone down if you don't get that great American novel written, or if you don't learn how to play "Toss a Coin to Your Witcher" on six different instruments. For everything that you do, you're going to have down days. Forgive yourself for them. Yes, I had a down day. Now let me get back to doing what matters, and that's surviving this mess. 

And if you do have to go out for groceries, keep in mind that everyone out there is in the same boat, so act with kindness. Most groceries stock early, so yeah, stand in line if it means you get your eggs. But remember that everyone is just as scared as you are. Everyone is hurting just as much as you. And remember, a little kindness goes a long way. 

And that's really the hardest thing, to not feel like you're letting someone down. This isn't a competition, and no one is going to jump up after this is over and say "Okay, what did YOU accomplish?" like some demented version of American Idol. No. This is about how you get through this with your sanity and personality intact. Me, I'm a writer. I'm taking this opportunity to work on that novel. But I'm going to miss a few days. I'm going to not feel like working on it sometimes. And that's OKAY. That's fine too. This isn't a competition. This isn't writing for your life. This is figuring out how to outlast the turmoil we're in. This is a crucible. 

Please wash your hands. Please stay safe. Please adhere to social distancing guidelines. Please be smart and be kind. It's easy to lose hope. It's easy to let this beat you down. It's easy to give up. 

Don't. 

Don't lose hope. Don't let it beat you down. Don't give up. 

If you have any other tips, please share them in the comments. 

Love to all of you. Please be safe. 

-=SAJ=-

Walk Out or Walk Up?

There is a problem in the United States. Well, there are lots of problems, but one in particular has been in the news a lot recently. Maybe you've seen something about it. Seems that people have been taking guns into our schools and killing students. If you haven't heard about this, you've been living under a rock, so it's time to get out of your cave and go experience the real world for a few minutes. Though, honestly, I wouldn't blame you for not doing so. People are being shot out here. 

In the wake of all of this, many students are organizing "walk outs" on their schools, leaving until something is done at a federal level to protect them from gun violence in schools. What that means is that literally thousands of high school students are refusing to go to class because they're afraid of getting killed in the building. And I don't blame them. And if you do, put yourself in their shoes, then ask yourself again if you blame them. If you do, you're an asshole. 

In response to the shootings, many NRA (read "domestic terrorists") members advocate arming the teachers, adding more guns to the schools, etc. Their thought process (if such a thing even exists) being that one "good guy with a gun" negates the actions of one "bad guy with a gun." First off, let me point out the inherent flaw in that. When a shooter goes into a school, there is no announcement over the PA. There is no bell-schedule for the shooting. There is one person who -SURPRISE!-  starts shooting. I don't care if you're armed or not, you can't outdraw an already drawn weapon. Which means, if you're in that classroom, the first classroom, you are dead. Sure, other folks down the hall might be able to defend, but we're still talking about thirty-plus dead students here. Dead. Is that an acceptable loss? No, I don't think so. To be honest, I don't think ANY loss to gunfire is acceptable. Especially not in a school. 

But that started to make sense, so the NRA came up with a different strategy. See, they pointed out that most of the people doing the shooting were loners, so they came up with the slogan, "Don't walk out, walk up." See, what they're saying is that if the students were just nicer to the outcasts, they wouldn't go on a killing spree. 

See the problem with that? Anyone? Here... Let me explain it by putting it in other terms....

"You victims," they are saying. "You brought this on yourself by not being social to the weird kid." 

"You brought this on yourself." 

"This murder." 

"This crime." 

Sounds a lot like something else, doesn't it? 

"You girls, you brought that rape on yourself by wearing those clothes, or by not giving them what they were entitled to." 

That's right. It's victim shaming. It's telling the victims that the actions of a disturbed individual (one you might not even known existed, btw) is their fault. Their fault that their classmates got killed. Their fault their teachers died. Their fault for living their lives and exercising their right to choose who their friends are. "Hey, dead kids," says this line of thinking. "You brought this on yourself." 

Whatever dickhead thought up this strategy, I don't know what you're thinking. I don't know why you think it's okay to blame the victims. But here's the bottom line:  It isn't. It's not okay. It's not their fault. And you're a bad person for thinking it is. You are part of the problem, not these kids. 

Now let me make this clear... I'm not demonizing mental illness, and I'm not saying that we should stay away from folks with issues. Mental illness is a serious thing, and people with emotional and mental disorders need love too. But it is unrealistic, and arrogant and entitled, to Monday-morning-quarterback this thing and say "well, you should've..." It's victim shaming. They didn't deserve to die. They didn't deserve to be killed. 

There have been eight school shootings in 2018 already. Eight. We're not even out of March. Quit blaming the victims. 

Walk up? No thank you. Walk out. You students that walk out, you go. You do what you have to do. Make your voices heard. And you people that blame the victims, you live with your shame. 

-=SAJ=-

On the subject of dogs...

I admit, I love dogs. Big dogs, small dogs, short-haired, long-haired... I don't care. If it's a dog, I love it. At the moment, I have what I consider to be the most perfect dog on the planet: A Pug. More on that later. The purpose of this entry is to explain a bit about why I love dogs so much. I mean, I shouldn't have to. To me, a love of dogs should be a universal thing. But I get that some folks just don't get it. So listen up. Here's Dogs101 from your instructor, me.

The earliest known appearance of what we would call a "dog" seems to have been around about 31,700 years ago. While that creature was likely not terribly friendly, the first archeological evidence of a dog being a companion to a human was about 14,700 years ago. So what that means is that for more than fourteen-thousand years, these fuzzy buggers have been hanging around human beings, and not just for scavenging purposes. Evidence shows that they have been helping us by hunting with us, being companions to us, and doing largely what dogs do today. Let that sink in for a moment. Fourteen thousand years. Fourteen millennia. Most folks really can't grasp of how long that is. I surely can't.

So we flash forward a few centuries (to the present), and a very interesting piece of research appeared, via National Geographic.  I'll save you the trouble of reading it and give you the short version: Dogs and humans evolved together, and that love of dogs I'm talking about? It appears to be genetic. You read that right. Genetic. As in it's hard-coded into our DNA. Which means it's also hard-coded into their DNA.

But, if we ignore the science for a few minutes, I think I can break down why I love them so much to a few more base reasons.

First off, it's the ears.

Have you ever just sat there and played with a dog's ears? Big floppy ears, little pointy ears, ears that stand up or lay down... It doesn't matter. Ears. The fur on the ears is so soft and velvety, it's impossible to feel it and not feel relaxed. They're so expressive. I used to have a dog that held one ear up and one down. On purpose. We used to think he couldn't raise the other one, but he proved us wrong. he just did it that way. Think of it as your dog's hair style. Or like an extension of eyebrows. They're friggin' awesome. And, by the way, if you clip your dog's ears to make them look tougher, you are guilty of animal abuse, and I immediately believe you're an asshole.

Then there's the tails.

Well, butts and tails, if I'm being all inclusive. I love big long tails, little cinnamon-bun tails, even dogs with no tails. Look, remember the old song "If You're Happy and You Know It?" I added a dog-verse that I sing all the time. "If you're happy and you know it, wag your butt." You ever notice how when a dog is happy, he doesn't just wag his tail, but he wags his whole body? Like his WHOLE body? Butt-wiggles are amazing, and one of the things I love the most about dogs. To me, it's impossible to keep the smile off my face when a happy, wiggly doggie comes wagging his way up to you. It's contagious. And if you dock your dog's tail to make him look tougher, you're guilty of animal abuse and I immediately believe you're an asshole.

Even moreso, it's the dog in general. Look, dogs, from the time they're puppies (and don't get me started on puppies... puppy breath is one of the greatest smells in the world) to the time they're old, all they want is to be loved. They want to play. They want to be petted. They want you to like them. That's it. Dogs are made of pure love. Everything else that happens to them, we do to them. They want nothing more than to run around and sleep and play, and you're lucky enough to have one in your life, they want to play with you. Do you realize how special that is? Dogs don't care about your makeup, or your fashion sense, or your raging comic-book and D&D habit. They love you. Unconditionally. They love you. Let that one sink in for a moment. They don't care how badly you screw up at work or whether or not you're as rich as your neighbors. They just love you. And to me, that's kind of amazing.  No matter what, dogs are happy when you come home, thrilled when you come into the room, and overjoyed when you pay attention to them.

So, as I mentioned before, I have a pug.

Meet Max. And his pumpkin.

His full name is Sir Maximus Pugnacious. He is, perhaps, the best dog on the planet, and I'll debate anyone who says otherwise. He's alternately brave and a coward, snuggly and rambunctious, and he is unquestionably my best buddy and partner in crime. He rides my Harley with me.

Seriously. Pug life. 

Max is the dog I wanted since I was a kid, and I love him.

See, to me, dogs are a gift. If you believe in a higher power, you need but look at a dog to see proof of your faith. Because, to me, only a higher power could look down and see human kind and say "he looks lonely. I believe I'll give him a companion." And lo, the dog came. We were gifted something so pure, so full of love and loyalty. The higher power said make it fierce to protect him, compassionate to comfort him, fun to play with him. If you doubt dogs have souls, I doubt you have a soul. They are self-aware, smart, and amazing. And, to me, they are essential parts of my life.

Until next time -

-=SAJ=-

Moving away from "family values."

One of the big rallying points in recent years has been the conservative cry for a "return to family values." They claim that every liberal is destroying traditional family values and undermining the fabric of the United States. So I figured I'd take a moment and address those accusations. Ready?

Yes, we are. We are actively moving away from your "traditional family values." And we're damned glad to be doing it. Wanna know why?

First off, let's take a look at what those traditional family values entail. When my father was growing up, and when I was too, the family unit was a thing. The mom stayed at home or worked part-time while the dad worked his 40+ hours a week to put food on the table. Mom's place was in the kitchen cleaning up after my brother and I (which, believe me, was a horrible job). But it goes further than that. See, girls were taught how to sew and cook and boys played baseball and football, and Boy Scouts prepared lads for the responsibility of being "men." Also, my father lived in the same town as his parents. And his brother. And when his sister left the state, his mother (my grandmother) was (to put it mildly) displeased. You should see the face-melting letters she wrote to my uncle for taking her daughter out of the state of Texas.

On the other side, my mother's family all lived within 50 miles of each other. Working as anything other than a secretary was scandalous, and it was the woman's job to squeeze out as many babies as possible. My mom's dad worked for Dow Chemical, as did my father's father and my father and my uncle and, for a while, so did I.

That is the way of "Traditional Family Values:" You work where your father worked. If you're a woman, you work in the home or in an administrative assistant position and make babies. And you never leave. You never grow. You never reach past your upbringing or the education available in your home town. If you leave to go to school, you get taunted with "college boy," as if educated is a bad thing to be. "Traditional Family Values" makes no room for you if you're gay, if you want to explore, if you are an artist, or even if you want to see what it is to live outside your city's walls. If you don't want children, if you'd rather raise dogs, if you really don't want your wife to be subservient or your husband to be a work-a-holic, or if you (God forbid) don't like football, or even if you choose not to believe in any particular religion, you are the enemy of "Traditional Family Values."

And you know what? I'm okay with that.

When I moved away from my home town, I was made fun of for being a "college boy." When I moved out of Texas, my father stopped speaking to me for "betraying my Texas roots" by moving to live with all those "damned yankees." I'm serious. When I came back, my father had a special coffee mug waiting for me... It has "Texas is God's Country" emblazoned across it.

But something interesting happened when I moved away.

I began to gain an appreciation for other cultures. I began to accept (notice, I said ACCEPT, not TOLERATE) other religions, other races, and members of the LGBTQ community. I began to understand that there was more to life than the tiny town in which I grew up and its three movie theaters in as many blocks. I began to see "traditional family values" for what they were.

Stagnation. In the case of my home town, it was also racism, homophobia, religious fervor, and elitism. "Traditional family values" was a code for "spending your life in the same five city blocks," and "never growing as a person."

So, yeah. We're moving away from your "traditional family values." And I, for one, am glad. And I think one of the largest problems with the phrase comes from that first word, "traditional." "Traditional" means "the way we've always done it." Maybe, but that doesn't make it right. We've "traditionally" subjugated other races, genders, creeds, and discriminated against people for the dumbest reasons, all because "that's how we've always done it." Maybe moving away from that kind of ignorance is a good thing. Maybe, just maybe, there's a reason why "traditional family values" are going away. Maybe it's because they don't work anymore.

Take a good look at the majority of the people who lament the loss of "traditional family values." White, rich, out of touch with reality... I'm sure they are screaming to the high heavens about it. Their way of life, the one in which women aren't worth as much as men and gays can't serve in the military, the one in which interracial marriage is a scandal and where black men don't belong in the White House, is being threatened. It's dying. Because we're learning. We're evolving. We're trying to be better than our "traditional" behavior. We're trying to break with tradition.

And it's about damned time.

So here are my new traditional family values. Women are worth as much as men. You don't need children to have a family, if you don't want them. Two men or two women can be a family, as can any combination where there is love. Boys and girls can play with whatever the hell they want to and whatever sport they want. And if they don't like sports, I'm cool with that too. And those who move away from the nest of their birth are celebrated because they're going out into the world to learn. Art is celebrated. Diversity is celebrated. Love is celebrated. Change is celebrated. And belief is a choice, not an indoctrination.

All hail the new family unit. Long may their traditions evolve.

--SAJ--

It's Okay... You Can Call Me A SJW...

SJW. It's a taunt, a slur, a phrase that immediately causes people to freak the hell out and break out in denials, sputtering, and anger. "I am not an SJW," they scream, with the same ferocity that many people have when they're called a racist. But the question I have is "why?"

SJW stands for Social Justice Warrior. Most commonly, it refers to someone who is overly-sensitive about social issues, and their dedication is sometimes questioned. Is it the cause they believe in, or are they just looking for attention?

But, see, here's the thing... What's wrong with taking a political stand? When did it become a bad thing to stand up for what you believe in? When, exactly, did it become "uncool" to care? Oh, sure, I get the issue that people have with militant Social Justice Warriors (you know, the ones who take it to extremes), but again, shouldn't these people be revered for standing up for their principals?

In no particular order, here is a list of things that I support:

• Animal Rights - I get it. Bacon tastes really good, and I'll eat a hamburger and wear leather. But what I'm talking about is animal abuse that needs to end. Dog fights. Puppy mills. Animals that are tortured for someone's sick enjoyment. It needs to stop, and I'm all for harsh punishments for people that abuse animals.
• LGBTQA Rights - I don't even understand why this is an issue. People are people, and all people deserve the same rights. Men can love men, women can love women, and people can love whomever they choose, or however many of whomever. If you are trans, you should be addressed by your preferred pronoun and you should be able to use the restroom of the gender of your identity. You should have the same rights as every other human being on the planet because (and hear me on this) THERE IS NOTHING 'WRONG' WITH YOU. 
• Women's Rights - See above. Look, can we just get one thing on the record here? If it weren't for women, there's not a single one of you reading this who would be here. Period. They work just as hard as (and in most cases, harder than) men, and deserve to be paid the same. Furthermore, how long do you think a government mandate on what a man could or couldn't do with his penis would last? About three seconds before people threw up their hands and became irate over it. So why is there a difference between women's reproductive rights and men's? And don't tell me "every life is sacred" and "life begins and conception," because I disagree with you, and will until we're both rotting corpses. Look, when it's your decision to carry a fetus to birth, let it destroy your body, and then be saddled with a quarter million dollars in costs raising the child, you get to make the choice. I raised two of them, so I feel qualified to talk about this.
• Ending child abuse - Seriously. If you even doubt this, you're not even human. I support Bikers Against Child Abuse. You don't want to piss them off. 
• Protecting the internet - I prefer the internet as a level playing field, without large companies getting the leg up on smaller independent companies. 
• More stringent gun laws - Note, I said stringent, not banning them. I don't mind if you own a gun (or several), but I also think it's too damned easy to get one in this country. I think that convicted felons shouldn't have them, and I also think there should be some kind of gun registry. Keep every gun you own. Just be a responsible gun owner. 
• Ending racism - Again, I don't even know why this is an issue today. If you're racist in any way, you don't belong in my life. If you truly believe that your race is better than another by virtue of skin tone, you're an idiot and you need to be educated. 
• Legalizing Marijuana - Yes, I feel weed should be legal. It's not nearly as harmful as other legal substances, and there are medicinal benefits. Plus, the revenue it could generate for each state is staggering. So make it legal already. 
• Destigmatizing mental health issues - Mental health issues have cost us too many people. Depression, schizophrenia, dissociative disorders... They're treatable, and they're not the fault of the person suffering from them. But we, as a society, look at people who suffer from mental issues and, instead of helping, we call them crazy. And it's killing people. I'm serious. It's time to be open and frank about mental illness, and to quit treating it like it's a big nasty secret. It isn't. It's real, and it kills people. 
• Funding the arts - Okay, so the NEA is getting hosed over right now, and that's a damned tragedy. Art is important. Music is important. Literature is important. These things help us to see the world around us. They help us come to grips with what it is to be human. And this isn't just limited to the NEA. PAY YOUR ARTISTS. If someone offered to pay you to do your job in "exposure," you'd laugh at them. Well, artists have bills too. And if you're offering to pay them in exposure, you're an asshole. 

Yeah. Take a look at that list. Any of those items on that list will likely send me up onto my soapbox and into a tirade about what's being done and what should be done. And there are more, so many more, things that I believe in, and the vast majority has to do with equality for everyone. And do you really want to call me a SJW for it? Okay. I'm cool with it.

See, here's the thing: We've had them throughout history. Activists, we called them. Advocates. People who stood up in front of the majority with picket signs, or chained themselves to buildings, or refused to sit in their assigned seating. And without those people, nothing would've changed. Think about that. If it weren't for those people, we would still be living the exact same existence that we did when slavery was legal, when beer was prohibited, and when beating the shit out of your kid for "disciplinary problems" built character. 

But how good of an SJW could I possibly be? First off, I eat meat, I'm a heterosexual white male, and I'm basically not a victim of any type of discrimination. No one pulls me over because of my skin tone, or looks at me strange when I fly on a commercial airline, or questions which bathroom I can go in. No one tells me what I can do with my body. And that's the thing. I enjoy all of those freedoms, and I feel like everyone else should enjoy them too. Everyone. Does that seem unreasonable?

So how can I make a difference? By not staying quiet. By using what little celebrity I have, and whatever voice I have, to make statements that people will listen to. I may not be able to move mountains (yet), but I can reach more people than the average schmoe on the street just by virtue of being a published author.

I can hear you now. "But Scott, it won't make any difference if I boycott a store. My shitty little dollars don't mean anything to a multi-million-dollar business." That's true. But you know what? My shitty little dollars do mean something to the mom-and-pop business that I frequent because I refuse to spend money at Chick-Fil-A because of their holier-than-thou, Christian-hate-spewing ownership. (*Note* Not all Christians are hateful. They're spewing hate and calling it Christianity, which is something that every real Christian should be screaming about.) My dollars allow them to stay in business, pay employees, and continue to keep food on their tables. Big shops may not give a damn about the $20 I didn't spend at their stores, but Mom-and-Pop?  That $20 could be the difference between staying open and closing shop.

One of the many things that made the term SJW a pejorative term is the notion that the people who stand up for these beliefs somehow lack conviction, are only doing it for the attention it garners them. That they are thin-skinned and are just looking for a fight. So let me make this clear: Test me. Test my convictions on any of the above points. See just how dead serious I am. I'll laugh at most jokes made in poor taste, usually adding that I (or the person who told the joke) am going to Hell for laughing at it. But when it's time to be serious, there's no joke. As for looking for a fight... Do you not see the fight in front of you? I'm not looking for it. It's already here. And you either fight, or you are swallowed. I'm not a "special snowflake," and I'm not looking for a "safe space" (though I feel some people need safe spaces). I just want what is decent and right. For everybody.

So, yeah. You can call me an SJW. Actually, I don't like the term "warrior" unless you've literally fought for your life. So I'd actually rather you call me, SAJ, an SJA (Social Justice Advocate). What does that mean? It means I believe that you (yes, you reading this) deserve all the same rights I have. I believe in equality. And I will fight for your rights as well as my own.

Until next time...

SAJ (SJA)

Man up, she says...

I unfriended someone the other day on Facebook. I do it often, and anymore, I unfriend people who support Donald Trump. See, I've read the screeds, listened to the diatribes, and feel it's time for me to explain myself. I shouldn't have to. Hell, no one's likely to read this and there's little chance at my changing someone's mind. But I'm going to say it anyway, so here it is.

If you support Donald Trump, you are supporting everything I stand against. We do not share political ideologies, and that's fine. I have many friends with different ideologies than mine, and we are still friends. But Donald Trump goes beyond politics. Supporting him supports just about everything I stand against. I am against racism. I am against sexism. I am against hate-speech. I am against those who would subjugate others. I am against pedophiles. I am against those who watch while others suffer so they can get richer. I am against those who openly mock the disabled. And, yes, I was for the Affordable Care Act. More on that last one in a moment.

If you support Trump, you support all those things. Don't believe me? Look it up. It's not hard to see. And I'm not talking about a few sound-bites or a few articles in a newspaper with quotes taken out of context. I'm talking about entire speeches. I'm talking about behind-the-scenes footage that reveals him for the kind of person he truly is. One person actually asked me, "What racism? What hate-speech?" To that man I give a most urgent cry to wake up. Actually watch the demagogue who has been handed the most powerful chair in the land, and tell me you don't see it. And if you support all those things, you support taking the rights away from me, my loved ones, my friends, and my family. You support a man who is made of hate, and that I cannot abide.

On the subject of the Affordable Care Act... many of you scream and cry because the price went up. No one is talking about the fact that the reason it went up is because the Republican-lead congress voted to strip the vital funding away that would've kept the price down. Look it up. You're blaming a fine man, Barack Obama, for your own ignorance. Check the facts. Now that it's gone, good luck if you need insurance and have a pre-existing condition. Good luck if you have a 26 year old who needs to be on your insurance. Remember when Trump said he would have another plan in place? Well, they voted to get rid of ACA, and there's no other plan in sight. Surprised? I'm not. Just disgusted.

So back to my little story.

Oh yeah. So a woman of whom I know launched her vitriol and spouted about how much she loved Trump because "he may make mistakes" but "at least he's real." She said that we should forgive things said by him in the past because we are all flawed people. Then she posted an image that asked why women make life so hard for other women. I responded that I didn't know, but I wondered why any woman would vote for a man who seems so hell-bent on marginalizing women, knowing how hard it is to be a woman.

Well, as you can imagine, she lost her shit.

She told me that I should "man up" (an inherently sexist phrase) and stay friends with her.

Let me make a few things perfectly clear. Number one, I have "manned up." I stood to be counted with the millions who voted for equality, for dignity, and for grace. I voted for compassion. I voted for human rights and for the people who don't give a damn about the poor to get their come-uppance. I sounded the call and tried to encourage people to vote despite the nihilistic few who said that voting was pointless.

And, not to put too fine a point on it, I voted for the rights that women like this one seem all too content to throw away. That's right. I voted for you to keep your rights over your own body, your right to not be harassed or groped or denigrated in any way. But you... you betrayed every woman, and even yourself, by saying "oh, let's just forgive him because he's flawed." Your ignorance astounds me.

Eight years ago, the man you voted for was at the very center of a ridiculous lie called the "Birther Movement." Remember that? Remember how he harangued the president with bald-faced lies about whether or not he had a birth certificate? Or whether or not he was born in the United States? I hate to break it to you, but that was borne out of a movement to "keep the black guy out of the White House." Again, if you don't believe me, look it up. You'll see that I'm telling the truth. And do you remember all of us just rolling our eyes and letting it die down? Because that's what we did. But when a black man was elected to the White House  so many of you revealed your willful ignorance and screamed and cried and made up lies and did everything in your power to discredit.

Now that it's your demagogue in the White House, you say "aw, we should all just get over it because he won."

Not a chance.

See, I've heard the idiotic arguments. "Oh, we're not supposed to disagree with Obama because that makes us racists, but you get to disagree with Trump?  How's that fair?" Let's have a look at that, shall we? And I'll use small words to make it easy for you to understand. First, you can disagree with the president and it's not racist. That's your right. But if you disagree with what was said only because HE said it, guess what. YOU ARE RACIST. I don't dislike Trump because he's white (or orange... whatever), I dislike him because he dislikes every other non-white, non-heterosexual, non-male on the planet. Oh, and then she lets this steaming pile of filth out on the cyber-waves:

Thought for the night. I find it very interesting that I'm supposed to show tolerance at every turn, even for things I don't agree with...yet, for some reason, tolerance doesn't have to be extended to me. Hmmm. Interesting.

That's right. You are supposed to show tolerance for other races, for other ideologies, and other religions. For other genders, other people. You know what I don't have to be tolerant of?  Intolerance. I know, it seems weird. But see, what I'm standing up against is, in fact, hatred. So let me be clear:  If the thing you don't agree with is, in fact, tolerance, then that makes you a prejudiced piece of shit. And, you know what? That's your right. Live your life in blissful ignorance if you wish, but I promise you, I'll fight for my country every day. And every time I see you being stupid? I'm the guy with the mirror holding it up.

On the off-chance the person who sparked this off reads this, make note... I'm not naming you. Frankly, you're not worth it to me. The fact that you seem incapable of growing past this level of ignorance makes it so. Be happy in your ignorant life. Also, because I know you might not realize this, but replying to this blog post will do nothing but "out" you, so knock yourself out.

Food for thought... if lots of people are unfriending you over your political views, maybe they're not the ones who are wrong. Maybe you're just an asshole.

As a side note, one of this person's friends (who obviously doesn't know me) cautioned me to "tread carefully," as if some toad from Bumfuck Alabama scares me in the slightest. This was clearly a case of someone overestimating their worth. It also could be construed as a veiled threat. Which, by the way, is illegal.

So this is me. Manning up. Again, I hate that phrase. So instead, how about this: This is me standing up. Does it take more courage to stay friends with someone who is an ignorant ass, or to cut the tie and refuse to partake in their idiocy? I'm betting the latter.

Goodbye, 2016

So here we are, at the end of 2016. For many, this year has been nothing short of catastrophic. The number of celebrity deaths, the election of a sub-human man-baby cheeto-demon, and other terrible issues have lead most people to refer to this year as the proverbial dumpster fire. Ever seen one? I have. They're smelly, dangerous, and really there's nothing to be done with one except to watch it burn.

Pictured:  Your year.

But I have a very different perspective on 2016. Yes, we lost Prince, Princess Leia, and Debbie Reynolds (among others). Yes, tiny-handed megalomaniac Trump got into office. But for me, it wasn't the last half of the year that defined the year. For me, it was the first half. Specifically, one day.

March 12, 2016, began a new and amazing chapter in my life. That was the day that I donned kilt and Prince Charlie Jacket, stood in the Seven Sisters sacred druid circle, and professed my love and dedication to a wonderful woman named Lily Kaitlyn Coy. That's Katie, for the rest of you. A white owl flew our rings to us, and we were married while six of my best friends (who were, truly, the best men) stood for me across from Katie and six of her besties (including both of my daughters). Here... Have a look. 

Groomsmen on the left, bridesmaids to the right. 

That one day, that one moment where she said "I do" and kissed me, made the rest of the year worth it for me.

Other good things that happened:  Zoe learned to drive (and I've got the gray hairs to prove it) and got her license. Katie graduated from Texas State University. And I completed (but haven't sold yet) three novels. 

So while many of us are fixated on the negative aspects of 2016, let's not forget that there were personal triumphs that marked the year as we look forward into 2017. I don't believe in "resolutions" so much, but I do have things I want to accomplish. 

• Finish two manuscripts
• Get at least one book sold
• Get into grad school
• Pet my dog more
• Continue to grow and be a better person
• Continue to heal and learn to have self-forgiveness
• Get healthy (or healthier) by exercising and eating better
• Better handle my finances (directly tied into that whole "selling a book" thing)
• Cherish my friends
• Respect, and be respected by, my family
• Spoil the hell out of my wife
• Spoil the hell out of my pets
• Maybe spoil my daughters just a bit

That's it. That's my to-do list for 2017. Modest goals, if I do say so myself. But, starting midnight tonight, it's time to get cracking. 

What do you hope to accomplish in the coming year? What triumphs did you have in 2016? 

May 2017 bring you love, success, and happiness. May you prosper, and may your loves be many. May your triumphs outnumber your tragedies, and may you approach 2017 not with fear in your mind, but with determination and a song in your heart. Much love to you all. 

Blessed be. 

SAJ

How Thankful Am I?

Politics be damned, I still have a great deal for which to be thankful. I don't post it enough, and I know this blog often has depressing overtones. It's part of my personality and psyche, after all. But here we are, moving closer to the end of the year, and we're coming upon one of my favorite holidays:  Thanksgiving. Bearing that in mind, I would like to take this opportunity to let you know about a few of the things for which I am truly thankful. And also, I feel like, in light of recent events and the ongoing issues in our country, we all need to be reminded every once in a while that there are things for which we can be thankful. 

So here's my partial list: 

• My wife - I met Katie at a time in my life when I was ready to give up. She brought me back from that. Made me feel like myself again. She became more than just a girlfriend, more than a lover... She became my best friend. She became my confidant. She became the person upon whose shoulder I could cry, who would laugh at my jokes, and who wouldn't judge me for being the damaged wreck of a human being that I am. She married me (officially) this year in March, and I can honestly say something I never thought I would say again:  I'm happy. For someone like me, happiness comes in fleeting bursts and are treasured moments. With her, those bursts come more often and last longer. 
• My kids - I've got two. Daughters. One is off living on her own, finding her own path, and doing what makes her happy. That makes me proud. The other is still in high school and has my sense of humor. They both are responsible for the greatest joys and worst sadness in my life, and I wouldn't trade either of them for gold. 
• My pug - Sir Maximus Pugnacious, eater of bacon, destroyer of underwear, first of his name, long may he reign. Max may have seemed like an expensive luxury, but he is one of the greatest creatures in my life. For someone who, like me, has PTSD and depression, a pup can be exactly what you need to bring you out of a terrible state. Max does that for me. 
• All my other pets - Timoune, Bitsy, Fuzz-Butt, Buster, Pretty Fish, Carmel... I know. I own a zoo. Don't care. They're more than my pets. They're part of my family. 
• I have a job - Lots of people don't. Lots of people have jobs, but are still unable to afford health care or homes or cars or internet or cellphones or dinner. I have a job. My job provides me with health care, a roof over my head, my car, my Harley, the occasional night out. As much as I bitch about my job, I'm thankful I have it. 
• My family (extended and otherwise) - They say everyone has two families:  One into which they are born, the other the one they chose. The family into which I was born includes my brother and his family, my father, my first and second set of in-laws, and everyone to whom I claim blood relation. And I'm so thankful for them. But I'm also thankful to my extended family. My chosen family, if you will. These are people who adopted me as one of their own. Who treat me like blood even though they don't need to. People like the Hopemans, the McCrocklins, the Taylors... People like my extended Kajukenbo family. People who I seldom get to see, but I love them the same. People with last names like Prather, Barton, Moore. People who came to my wedding and who have stood by me.
• My other jobs - I'm a writer. I'm a teacher. I'm a coach. These things help define who I am, and I'm thankful for the privilege of doing these jobs. I'm thankful for my agent, every editor who has rejected (or accepted me), every student I've ever had (even the ones I didn't get along with), my instructor and those I've instructed. 
• My situation - How many people get a second chance? How many people can say they've been through what I have and are still standing? Probably plenty. I'm not special. But I'm thankful that I am alive, and that I am in my current situation. 

There are so many more things for which I'm thankful that I could go on for days, and every moment would bring something else to mind. Thankful my mother made me take typing. Thankful my father never let me quit Boy Scouts. Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera... The point is, there are so many things around for which I can be thankful, and this time of year is designed to bring us to reflect upon them. 

For many, the things for which I am thankful are out of reach. Not everyone has cars, dogs, family... Not everyone can afford a roof or Thanksgiving dinner. At this time, it's important, not only to remember the things we often take for granted, but to reach out to those who may not have as much. It isn't my place to tell you to whom you should reach. But remember that, for some, this year there ins't so much for which to be thankful. So make them thankful that you're part of their lives. Be the person who says "join us." Be the safe haven. Be the blanket. Be the change that you want to see in the world. And when you do, believe it or not, you'll be all the more thankful. 

Until next time ---

SAJ

No... You move.

I'm sitting here at my desk in shock. I know the world continues to spin, and that people will still be themselves, but I'm sorely disappointed in my country. America. My web address, americanhorrorwriter, both .com and .net, were my pride. I chose them because America was the land of the free, home of the brave, land of equality and tolerance. Now... I'm heartsick. I'm ashamed of being an American. I'm ashamed at my home state, Texas.

Not surprised, mind you. Just ashamed.

I'm both surprised by, and ashamed of, my adopted state, Pennsylvania.

We lived, for eight years, with a great man at the helm of our country. Love him or hate him, disagree if you must. We made strides toward peace, toward equality, and toward leaving behind a world our children could be proud of. In one night, the people of the USA brought all that to an end.

Here's what we are going to lose:

• The Supreme Court will be dominated by conservative justices for a generation.
• Same-sex marriage will likely be outlawed on a national level.
• A woman's right to choose will end.
• Social Security will be cut. Or even eliminated. 
• The rich will get more tax breaks.
• Medicare will be cut or repealed.
• Obamacare will be repealed.
• We are likely to head into a recession, possibly a depression. 
• There will be no action on climate change.
• Our international relationships will be destroyed. 
• NATO will be crippled or disbanded.
• Oil drilling, fracking, and pipelines will get tax benefits and govt subsidies. 
• We are likely to end up in a war with Iran. 
• We might see the end of the free press. 
• He will gut or close the Department of Education
• He will gut or close the EPA

In addition, take a look at what else this means. Now it's acceptable to assault women and grab them by the genitals. Now it is acceptable to molest or rape young women. Now it's acceptable to be a racist toward Hispanics and those of African or Asian descent. Now it's acceptable to discriminate against people in the LGBT community and people of a different religion. Now it's acceptable to lie to the American public without fear of prosecution, and to threaten to destroy the fact checkers. Social commentary will be met with threats of lawsuit, and he'll win because his party also has control over the House of Representatives and Senate. Donald J. Trump will nominate two Supreme Court Justices. 

Do you realize what you've done? 

A man who has no regard for the "sanctity of marriage" is now in charge of defining what that means. Your mothers, sisters, wives, co-workers and friends no longer have any control over their own bodies. Ready to retire?  Tough shit. Social Security and Medicare won't be there. And your children? They'll inherit a world that grows progressively hotter and is running out of resources faster than you can believe. And those of you who want to rise above your past through education? You're stuck. Education is about to be gutted too, which means that we will become a nation overrun with ignorance. 

For the first time in my life, I accept no blame for this. Why? Because I voted. I encouraged people to vote. I voted in the primaries and made my voice heard. I actually read the issues instead of trusting the sound-bytes that were screamed on television. I saw what this walking pile of excrement was, and voted against him. 

But you... 

Who's to blame? You who followed the advice of certain nihilistic people and didn't vote because "it doesn't matter anyway" or because it was your way of protesting an imperfect system. You now will live in the future you made. Your complaints over the administration or even the system are null and void, a bullshit argument about a system you couldn't be arsed to change. Scream all you like. You did this. 

You who voted for a third party, as was your right... Take a look at the numbers. Notice how the percentages by which the walking cheeto got elected are the numbers which your not-a-chance-in-hell candidate got? I get it... No single snowflake feels responsible for the avalanche. But you are. 

You who scream "but Hillery is worse!" Do you really mean that? Worse than a child rapist? Worse than the man who bankrupted all of his companies while covering his own ass? Worse than the man who molests women and says the minorities in this country are the cause of all the evils? Because if you really believe that, you didn't actually read about the candidates, did you? 

You who actually voted for Trump, you should get down on your knees and beg forgiveness of your mothers, daughters, friends that aren't white, and the rest of the country that you've hurt. You should beg forgiveness, and be prepared when it will not be given. 

To all my friends who are women, to my daughters, to my wife, to all my friends who aren't white, who aren't Christian, and to all the members of the LGBT community... I'm sorry. I still support you. I stand beside you and will hold you up when you get knocked down. I will defend your right to happiness and to choose what you do with your own body and what consenting adults do in the privacy of your own home with my dying breath. I pledge, now and forever, that I will stand beside you.

It sounds like a hollow promise, I know.  After all, I'm a white male. I'm privileged. I know it. 

But I truly believe that America, MY America, should be a place of equality. I truly abhor racism and sexism and discrimination and subjugation of any kind, even though some times I'm blind to it. I'm thankful to the people who point it out to me because only through awareness and education can we truly fight it. And maybe I sound naive. Maybe I sound like a SJW or hopelessly deluded. But I, the individual, do not want my children, or their children, to grow up in a world where people are discriminated against because of the color of their skin or for any other reason. 

How can we fight this? Education. Why do you think he wants to gut education? Because the more educated we become, the more we actually think, the more we will begin to question his motivations. The more we will evolve into a more enlightened species. The more we will come to realize that discrimination for any reason is wrong. 

There's a thing going around right now that's a quote from a comic book. I'm posting it here. 

So here it is. These words are not mine, but I hold them dear. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

So the question is this:  What do we do now? 

I have one solution. Everyone who has something against Trump, everyone ever molested, touched, groped, robbed, cheated, or destroyed by him, stand up. Get him in front of the court. Have him federally indicted. Send him to the big house before the white house. Please. 

To all my friends, I love you. To the people that will lose their rights, I love you. I'm sorry. We will overcome this. We have to. We have to be better than this. 

SAJ

Starting the New Chapter

If you follow me on social media, you know that big changes are a-coming. There are a lot of reasons behind these changes, and I'm still feeling like maybe I've lost what's left of my mind for doing it, but the die is cast and there's no stopping it now. For those that don't and are reading this blog for some other reason, here's what's going on:  I've applied for Grad School.

Holy shit! Grad School?!?! I graduated from college in 2002, from high school in 1989 (yes, I'm old), so what the hell would I want to go and do something like that for?  I mean, my student loans are paid off, I've got a full-time job with benefits, and I've been in the same position for (more or less) more than twenty years!  College is for the young! The course work will destroy me! Why would I incur more student debt? What the hell am I thinking?

Your expression right about now.

There are lots of reasons why I'm doing this. About a thousand piddly little reasons, and all of them branch off of a few bigger reasons. Believe me, I've thought about this for a long time, and I've had lots of sleepless nights and anxiety dreams over my decision. I've talked to my wife and my kid, talked to other people I respect, and decided to go ahead and give this a shot. Here's why.

1. My daughter is almost out of school. My oldest graduated in 2009 and my youngest is about to graduate (2018). She's about to go off to college herself, and it occurred to me that, once she's out of high school, she won't really need me anymore. I don't mean she won't need me-need me, but living four blocks away from her high school just doesn't matter anymore.  Wherever she goes to college, she'll be living in the dorms as a freshman, and she'll be spending a lot more time not in my house. That's fine with me because I want her to get out and find her way. Life is about following your passions, and I want her to find what hers are. Of course, she'll be coming home for holidays and such, but I no longer have to be as concerned with making dinner or doing laundry or making sure she does her homework. In fact, once she's in college, if she hasn't already developed good study habits, it's a little late for me to be policing her. So with all the extra time, I have choices.  I could either binge-watch every show on Netflix, or I can continue to write.  Spoiler alert:  I'm writing.  And if I'm writing, I may as well get college credit for it. 
2. Life is about following your passions. There are few philosophies that I espouse to pretty much everyone, mainly because I feel like most people don't want to hear me babble. But the biggest one is that life is worthless if you don't follow your passions. Hell, some people go through life without ever finding out what those passions are. I've got quite a few, but one of the biggest ones is writing. I'm constantly trying to improve my work in my never-ending quest for the NYT Bestseller List. And follow my passions I shall. 
3. I'm doing this for me. Without sounding too much like a self-righteous ass, I've spent the majority of my life in service of others. I've been a father for more than half my life, and every decision I've made since the day the first child called me Daddy was to try to build a better life for that child. Would I have liked to go backpacking through Europe?  Sure. But do I regret my decision to have children?  Absolutely not. My life has been gladly about what was best for others. When my first wife got sick, I cared for her. Even now, whenever shopping time comes around, it's really hard to get me to do things for myself because I would rather buy things for my family instead of myself. How many of us open our eyes every morning and think "the only reason I'm going to work is because I'm paying the mortgage for my family?"  At least me. I'm sure of it. 
4. If you stop learning, you get old. It's an old cliche, but you really are only as old as you think you are. Physicality aside (oh my aching joints...), your mind stays sharp through constantly learning. If you stop learning, you stagnate and you don't grow. You know what else stagnates? Ponds.  Ever smelled a stagnant pond?  It stinks to high heaven. Mosquitoes nest there. They're disgusting places.  Mosquitoes will not lay their eggs in my soul. My mind will not stink. Only the truly arrogant believe they can't continue to improve, no matter their level of success. I'm going to keep learning and keep pushing myself until the day I die.  That's just how I am. Anyone who knows me knows this to be true. I don't sit back on my laurels. 
5. I want a better job.  Look, I know.  I'm 45. I'm ten years away from retiring from Texas State University.  But that's ten years too long.  I've never been happier than when I walked into the classroom at Seton Hill University or Wayneburg University and was a teacher. I love to teach. I love to watch the imaginative spark flash behinds the eyes of students when I talk creative writing with them. So now I have this opportunity to give myself better credentials so I can become what I've wanted to be for more than twenty years:  A tenure-track professor. Do I need the degree to become a writer?  Obviously not... I've already had 13 books published and my agent has more manuscripts out for consideration. But an MFA (a terminal degree) will allow me to put my butt on the tenure track, and that's where I want to be. I've been a tech for a long time, and I've recently come to the conclusion that it's not for me anymore. Maybe it's because my department has demonstrated that it doesn't care about its employees. Maybe I'm sick of dealing with tech requests from people who don't understand it. Or maybe I'm evolving. Maybe I want to be treated like I know what I'm doing, and that's what I get when I'm a teacher. Seton Hill, Waynesburg, you two have been my home, and you both made me feel loved and appreciated. I've tasted the job I want. And now I'm going to work to get that job and keep it. 

So what's the plan? So far, as far as I've gotten is applied, filled out my FAFSA, and gotten all my application materials sent in (thanks for the rec letters to Dr. Albert Wendland, Dr. Nicole Peeler, and Nicole Hopeman!  Love you guys!). And where did I apply? EMERSON. You read that right. It's a very prestigious university, and one I'll be proud to have on my resume. If I'm accepted, I'll be working my butt off for two years, all the while biding my time at the day job, then I'll send my curriculum vitae (which is academic-speak for "resumé") to every university in the USA. 

Pictured:  Resumé storm.

Where would I like to be working as a professor?  Easy.  Ideally, I'd love to be working at dear old Seton Hill University. I'll also be applying at Pitt, colleges in Colorado, Virginia, and anywhere else I can throw it to. Why?  Because I can. And because it's what I want to do. 

So why am I posting this and why do you care?  Short answer: You might not care. But you might. See, here I am, at 45 years old, remarried, rebooting my education, and stretching myself to suit other ambitions. That's right. Ambitions. I have those. Still. And it's not too late for me. Hell there was a fellow at the last residency at which I taught who was retired and still pursuing his MFA. That man inspired me. It is never too late to learn, unless you decide it's too late. And when that happens, you're counting down to your grave. I will continue to learn and continue to push myself. I'm tired of being depressed and wondering "what if." I'm tired of watching other people live the life I want. I'm tired of being tired. So it's time to get off the sidelines, quit whining, and get back in the game. I'm taping up my fists, molding my mouthpiece, and I'm ready to fight. 

Until next time. 

SAJ

An Open Letter to Donald Trump

Dear Donald -

I can call you Donald, can't I?

I've thought long and hard about your campaign for presidency, and I've come to a few conclusions.  I'd like to know if I'm right or wrong, just between you and me. See, I know what really happened. I know how this started. I just need to give this voice because I'm pretty sure I'm right here.

So, to begin with, this whole "I'm-running-for-president" thing was a publicity stunt, wasn't it?  I mean, let's face facts, you haven't been relevant in years, so you figured that a far-fetched presidential campaign would put your fifteen minutes of fame on life support for a little while, didn't you?  Don't deny it. You know that's how it started out, don't you? See, Donald, I don't blame you. Jump up in front of people, make a few outrageous statements, lose miserably, and you'll be back in the limelight in no time, right?

I'm right, aren't I?

Only you didn't count on racists, sexists, and idiots who would actually agree with those asinine statements, did you? So you tried to up your game with even more insane claims, statements designed to infuriate, hate speech and attack-formatted speeches. But it didn't work, did it? You resorted to name-calling, open mocking, and fear-mongering, and it still didn't work.  People still voted for you. No matter how hard you tried, you still couldn't get people to realize what a major shit-storm would occur for our nation (and the world) if you became president of our country.

And it scared you, didn't it Donald?  It did.  I know it did.  I'm right, aren't I?

So then you did the only thing a man like you could think to do:  You got worse. People couldn't possibly vote for you if you made yourself out to be a modern-day Hitler, could they? Of course not. No one would be that stupid, would they? But then, you underestimated them, didn't you? The anti-intellectuals. The fellow fear-mongers. The people who hate everything different than themselves. The self-righteous, the entitled... You underestimated them, didn't you? The louder you squawked and the more outrageous and terrible you became the more they ate it up.

And then another curious thing happened. You forgot. You forgot why you said those things to begin with. The potential power became intoxicating, didn't it Donald? You began to believe your own hype and forgot that everything you said was farce, didn't you? And now, with your own party members calling you out, you think it's too late, don't you?

It's not too late, Donald.  It's not. I mean, let's be honest, you've always been a walking parody.  From your augmented wives to your lies about being a self-made millionaire to your ridiculous branding schemes (Trump Steaks?  Really, Donald?), you've always been more of cartoon than a real person, Donald. But you can recover a shred of self-respect. It's really easy, and people will respect you for it. Here's how:

Admit it.

Get up in front of the world and just own up to your own bullshit. Get up there and tell the world that I'm right. It was a grab for a few more minutes of fame that got out of hand. You can totally paint yourself as a saint, Donald. Just raise your hands and tell us how you were trying to cast the harsh light of ridicule on the ignorant who chose to vote for you. Tell us how you really don't believe in being a racist chauvinistic douchebag, and how you want to bow out of the race, but couldn't figure out how to gracefully do so. Then exit the race before you do more damage. Exit the race before you damn this country to the horrors of your presidency. You're already the butt of thousands of jokes that span over twenty years.  Don't make the USA the butt of an even more tragic joke just because you're afraid to admit it was all a publicity stunt.

Unless I'm wrong.  Unless it wasn't a publicity stunt. Unless you actually are the ignorant racist, sexist elitist that you seem to be.

And if you are, I hope the educated and empathetic outnumber your legions of hate-mongers.

Sincerely,

Scott A. Johnson
Author, Father, American

Ghostbusters (2016): A Review

It's been a long time since I did a film review, and I can think of no place better than right here. And no better movie than this one. I went to see the new Ghostbusters this past Saturday, and, because of all the controversy surrounding it, I felt (of course) that I needed to put in my $.02. So here we go. Buckle up, strap on your proton pack, and prepare for my unvarnished opinion on this rebooting of the franchise.

First off, let's just get this out of the way. This isn't the same Ghostbusters that hit theaters in 1984.

It's theses people...

Not these people.

The premise of the movie isn't that different from its cold-war-era counterpart. Three "scientists" set out to prove the existence of ghosts and, along the way, pick up a normal person who helps out. In the meantime, they find time to run afoul someone who wants to bring about the end of the world, so they use their cobbled-together gizmos and not a small amount of chutzpa to take on the paranormal and kick all kinds of ass. Everyone good on that point? 

So, while the original movie starred Bill Murray, Dan Akroyd, Harold Ramis, and Ernie Hudson as the titular quartet, the new one stars Kristin Wiig, Melissa McCarthy, Kate McKinnon, and Leslie Jones. I can hear all the man-babies whine now... "BAWWWWWWW!!! THEY'RE SHITTING ON MY CHILDHOOD!"  If a reboot and recasting with women is all it takes to "shit on your childhood," your childhood must've sucked ass to begin with. Sit down, shut up, and try learning how to breathe with your mouth closed. 

You tell 'em, Mr. T!

The plot is about as thin as it was in the original, so that's nothing new. Don't get all pissy over it... The original was a classic, yes, but you have to admit that there were huge plot holes, so let's not cry over it and move on. The real stars of the show, and rightfully so, are the actors and the special effects.

Kristin Wiig, for example is very good as the bumbling Erin Gilbert, who is ashamed of her past as a believer of paranormal phenomena. When Melissa McCarthy drags her kicking and screaming back into the world of the unseen, it is with great reluctance.  But after being introduced to Jilian Holdzman (played perfectly by Kate McKinnon) and encountering an actual ghost, she falls back in love with the subject. In fact, it is McKinnon and Leslie Jones (playing Patty Tolan) who would completely steal the show, were it not for such competent performances by the rest of the cast. Sure, the characters are recognizable as the female versions of their male counterparts, but they are so very different.

Here...Happy now?

But see, there is so much more to the performances. The modern Ghostbusters hold their own against the originals, with Holtzmann becoming easily an audience favorite for her manic and demented performance of a scientist gone mad. And while her character chews her way through the whole movie, it was Leslie Jones' Patty Tolan that had me laughing so hard I almost needed oxygen in the theater. No spoilers, but this is easily one of the funniest movies I've seen since Deadpool, and for totally different reasons.

Chris Hemsworth also deserves a mention here because his portrayal of the brain-damaged Kevin is funny as hell, and don't give me any crap about how vapid he is. How often have women played characters whose only real purpose was eye candy? How many times have women been played as stupid  when compared to their male costars?  Plenty. And Chris Hemsworth does an amazing job of playing the absolute idiot, and he commits to the role with gusto. It amazes me how willing he is to be the biggest fool in the film, and even goes into a brilliant dance number during the credits. 

Funny funny man...

The special effects are also impressive, though I do tend to favor the more practical effects to computer-generated creatures. 

One thing that no one has mentioned in the previews, which made it a nice surprise in the movie was...

... the cameo appearances in the movie. Every one was a love-letter to the original fandom and a squee-worthy moment in the film. Who did cameos?  EVERYONE from the original. Seriously. Bill Murray shows up, as does Dan Akroyd.  Harold Ramis died before filming, but he shows up as a bust in a college hallway.  The old Hook and Ladder Company makes an appearance.  Ernie Hudson shows up. Even Sigorney Weaver and Annie Potts makes an appearance.  The only person who doesn't appear is Rick Moranis. Even Slimer appears.

So how do I feel about the movie?  I loved it. I enjoyed every popcorn-crunching moment of it, and I'll see it again.  And again.  And when the inevitable sequel comes out, I'll see it too.  If you're not seeing this movie because there are women in place of the originals, you're robbing yourself of a great flick. If you're not seeing it because it's a needless remake, fair point, but it's still really good. I applaud McCarthy, Wiig, Jones, and McKinnon on their performances, and for making the roles their own.

Now go see the movie and fall in love with the paranormal all over again.

Until next time...

SAJ