Then came 2020. COVID-19 reared up, and something familiar happened to me. It was like the old high-school bully showed up on my doorstep offering to buy me a beer and reminisce about the "good old days" when he constantly beat me to a pulp and gave me wedgies. And the thing is, it was comfortable. I got it. I understood this feeling of isolation. I get the feeling of hopelessness that everyone now seems to be feeling. I used to feel that all the time.
That feeling of "this will all be over soon," followed by the interminable waiting.
That feeling of "I can last through this," followed by nagging fear that this time, it will beat me.
That feeling of "oh my Gods, what am I going to do if something happens to the people I love?"
Yeah. I get it. I feel it. I'm just like you. And now, you're just like me.
You want to reach out and be with friends, but you can't. If you do, you could literally kill them. You want to go to a restaurant but you can't because being out in public scares the shit out of you now because you don't know who is or who isn't carrying the dreaded coronavirus. You'd give your right arm for just the ability to go to the freaking grocery and get the comfort food or, Gods forbid, just the necessities only to find out that someone else got them all.
Someone else.
Not you.
And so you sit in your home and try so hard to keep your chin up. All the while, the specter of death is looming somewhere nearby. And I'm not being hyperbolic here. The last time I checked, a quarter million Americans were infected, and more than five thousand had died. Sure, ten thousand recovered, but that doesn't mean those five thousand people should count less. You sit. You hope for good news. You hope for no news because the news that's coming is bad. All bad. And every time you open the news, there are more people dying, more desperation in their voices, more doctors who are fighting for all they're worth. And in the end, it just beats you down.
Beats.
You.
Down.
 |
| Gods why...why...why...why..? |
That's depression. That feeling of grief for things you planned and no longer get to do. For things you may never get to do. That feeling of being beaten down by the constant negativity of the news. That feeling that maybe it will never be okay again. That feeling that someone has to do something, anything, but nobody knows what. And all you can do is sit and wait while history happens around you, and you hope death doesn't notice you watching.
So why am I writing this? I'm not gloating, I promise you. I'm writing this because in this case, I'm the veteran. I've been here. I understand the mindset, and I've developed some hard coping skills that have literally kept me alive for years. I thought I might offer some to you.
- Keep to a schedule - Lots of us are working from home now, and after the novelty of attending meetings without pants over ZOOM and enjoying our dogs all day wears off, you realize that you're really kind of under house arrest. You start to lose interest in the things you do every day because, hey, who gives a shit, right? Not like anyone can see you or gives a damn whether or not you shower anyway, right? WRONG. You should care. Stick to the same schedule you do when you're working onsite. Why? Because you, as a human being, crave structure. Get up at your normal time, shower, put on clothes (okay, sweats, shorts, or something you wouldn't normally wear to the office), and eat breakfast. And make sure you put on CLEAN clothes every day. You don't want the neighbors to call the police thinking you've died over there because you smell so bad. Set a definite start time, break time, and end time for work and stick to it. Keep that structure in your life. It makes the world seem less chaotic.
- Exercise - Look, I get it. Exercise is a pain in the ass without a gym, and most of the time it sucks with a gym too. But you need to get moving. You need to put yourself in a state of survival. Even on lockdown, you can go out for a walk so long as you're not being stupid about it. Keep to social distancing, yes, and don't go anywhere too far away from your house. Or, if you truly can't leave the house, do yourself a favor and stretch every day.
- Get some sun - Whether you can go outside or not, you've got windows. Use them. Vitamin D (from the sun) is important to your wellbeing, both physically and mentally. Take some time out of every day to just sit in a sunbeam and soak up the warmth.
- Mental breaks - Yes, you're "at work" when you work from home. But you need to take some "you" time. Read a book for crying out loud. Take some time to engage the brain because, believe me, after a week in the same room of your house, nothing engages the brain anymore. You've passed that chair 8,000 times, the same plant 20,000 times, and the couch so often that it doesn't even register anymore. Your brain will just stop thinking about things and start omitting them. So give it something to do. Read. Do a puzzle. Hell, your cellphone has every kind of brain game known to mankind available. So use them.
- Take social media breaks - Facebook is a cesspool of negativity and vapid comments. And it's fun for that very reason. However, you can only take so much before it starts beating you down. So give yourself a time by which you'll stop looking at it every day. Same for Twitter, and every other social media site out there.
- Stay in touch - We live in an incredible age. Twenty years ago, this kind of thing would've destroyed everyone. But now, we have Zoom, Google Hangouts, Discord, Line, and a thousand other programs designed to keep you in touch with your loved ones. So reach out to them. Look, you may think "they've got their own problems... They don't need my whiny ass taking up their time." But the thing is, they're likely saying the same thing. DO IT. Send them a text saying "hey, let's Zoom. I miss your face." Seeing them for even a few minutes will keep you from feeling so isolated, and I promise you'll feel better for it.
- Stay away from online shopping - Binge shopping will wipe out your bank account and fill your house with crap you don't need. It also welcomes more germs in the form of delivery people who are risking their lives for you to get the crap you don't need.
- Forgive yourself - There's a bunch of people going around saying you have to be productive during this time, and it's fine if you want to be. But you don't have to be. Don't feel like you're letting anyone down if you don't get that great American novel written, or if you don't learn how to play "Toss a Coin to Your Witcher" on six different instruments. For everything that you do, you're going to have down days. Forgive yourself for them. Yes, I had a down day. Now let me get back to doing what matters, and that's surviving this mess.
And if you do have to go out for groceries, keep in mind that everyone out there is in the same boat, so act with kindness. Most groceries stock early, so yeah, stand in line if it means you get your eggs. But remember that everyone is just as scared as you are. Everyone is hurting just as much as you. And remember, a little kindness goes a long way.
And that's really the hardest thing, to not feel like you're letting someone down. This isn't a competition, and no one is going to jump up after this is over and say "Okay, what did YOU accomplish?" like some demented version of American Idol. No. This is about how you get through this with your sanity and personality intact. Me, I'm a writer. I'm taking this opportunity to work on that novel. But I'm going to miss a few days. I'm going to not feel like working on it sometimes. And that's OKAY. That's fine too. This isn't a competition. This isn't writing for your life. This is figuring out how to outlast the turmoil we're in. This is a crucible.
Please wash your hands. Please stay safe. Please adhere to social distancing guidelines. Please be smart and be kind. It's easy to lose hope. It's easy to let this beat you down. It's easy to give up.
Don't.
Don't lose hope. Don't let it beat you down. Don't give up.
If you have any other tips, please share them in the comments.
Love to all of you. Please be safe.
-=SAJ=-
