Moving away from "family values."

One of the big rallying points in recent years has been the conservative cry for a "return to family values." They claim that every liberal is destroying traditional family values and undermining the fabric of the United States. So I figured I'd take a moment and address those accusations. Ready?

Yes, we are. We are actively moving away from your "traditional family values." And we're damned glad to be doing it. Wanna know why?

First off, let's take a look at what those traditional family values entail. When my father was growing up, and when I was too, the family unit was a thing. The mom stayed at home or worked part-time while the dad worked his 40+ hours a week to put food on the table. Mom's place was in the kitchen cleaning up after my brother and I (which, believe me, was a horrible job). But it goes further than that. See, girls were taught how to sew and cook and boys played baseball and football, and Boy Scouts prepared lads for the responsibility of being "men." Also, my father lived in the same town as his parents. And his brother. And when his sister left the state, his mother (my grandmother) was (to put it mildly) displeased. You should see the face-melting letters she wrote to my uncle for taking her daughter out of the state of Texas.

On the other side, my mother's family all lived within 50 miles of each other. Working as anything other than a secretary was scandalous, and it was the woman's job to squeeze out as many babies as possible. My mom's dad worked for Dow Chemical, as did my father's father and my father and my uncle and, for a while, so did I.

That is the way of "Traditional Family Values:" You work where your father worked. If you're a woman, you work in the home or in an administrative assistant position and make babies. And you never leave. You never grow. You never reach past your upbringing or the education available in your home town. If you leave to go to school, you get taunted with "college boy," as if educated is a bad thing to be. "Traditional Family Values" makes no room for you if you're gay, if you want to explore, if you are an artist, or even if you want to see what it is to live outside your city's walls. If you don't want children, if you'd rather raise dogs, if you really don't want your wife to be subservient or your husband to be a work-a-holic, or if you (God forbid) don't like football, or even if you choose not to believe in any particular religion, you are the enemy of "Traditional Family Values."

And you know what? I'm okay with that.

When I moved away from my home town, I was made fun of for being a "college boy." When I moved out of Texas, my father stopped speaking to me for "betraying my Texas roots" by moving to live with all those "damned yankees." I'm serious. When I came back, my father had a special coffee mug waiting for me... It has "Texas is God's Country" emblazoned across it.

But something interesting happened when I moved away.

I began to gain an appreciation for other cultures. I began to accept (notice, I said ACCEPT, not TOLERATE) other religions, other races, and members of the LGBTQ community. I began to understand that there was more to life than the tiny town in which I grew up and its three movie theaters in as many blocks. I began to see "traditional family values" for what they were.

Stagnation. In the case of my home town, it was also racism, homophobia, religious fervor, and elitism. "Traditional family values" was a code for "spending your life in the same five city blocks," and "never growing as a person."

So, yeah. We're moving away from your "traditional family values." And I, for one, am glad. And I think one of the largest problems with the phrase comes from that first word, "traditional." "Traditional" means "the way we've always done it." Maybe, but that doesn't make it right. We've "traditionally" subjugated other races, genders, creeds, and discriminated against people for the dumbest reasons, all because "that's how we've always done it." Maybe moving away from that kind of ignorance is a good thing. Maybe, just maybe, there's a reason why "traditional family values" are going away. Maybe it's because they don't work anymore.

Take a good look at the majority of the people who lament the loss of "traditional family values." White, rich, out of touch with reality... I'm sure they are screaming to the high heavens about it. Their way of life, the one in which women aren't worth as much as men and gays can't serve in the military, the one in which interracial marriage is a scandal and where black men don't belong in the White House, is being threatened. It's dying. Because we're learning. We're evolving. We're trying to be better than our "traditional" behavior. We're trying to break with tradition.

And it's about damned time.

So here are my new traditional family values. Women are worth as much as men. You don't need children to have a family, if you don't want them. Two men or two women can be a family, as can any combination where there is love. Boys and girls can play with whatever the hell they want to and whatever sport they want. And if they don't like sports, I'm cool with that too. And those who move away from the nest of their birth are celebrated because they're going out into the world to learn. Art is celebrated. Diversity is celebrated. Love is celebrated. Change is celebrated. And belief is a choice, not an indoctrination.

All hail the new family unit. Long may their traditions evolve.

--SAJ--

It's Okay... You Can Call Me A SJW...

SJW. It's a taunt, a slur, a phrase that immediately causes people to freak the hell out and break out in denials, sputtering, and anger. "I am not an SJW," they scream, with the same ferocity that many people have when they're called a racist. But the question I have is "why?"

SJW stands for Social Justice Warrior. Most commonly, it refers to someone who is overly-sensitive about social issues, and their dedication is sometimes questioned. Is it the cause they believe in, or are they just looking for attention?

But, see, here's the thing... What's wrong with taking a political stand? When did it become a bad thing to stand up for what you believe in? When, exactly, did it become "uncool" to care? Oh, sure, I get the issue that people have with militant Social Justice Warriors (you know, the ones who take it to extremes), but again, shouldn't these people be revered for standing up for their principals?

In no particular order, here is a list of things that I support:

• Animal Rights - I get it. Bacon tastes really good, and I'll eat a hamburger and wear leather. But what I'm talking about is animal abuse that needs to end. Dog fights. Puppy mills. Animals that are tortured for someone's sick enjoyment. It needs to stop, and I'm all for harsh punishments for people that abuse animals.
• LGBTQA Rights - I don't even understand why this is an issue. People are people, and all people deserve the same rights. Men can love men, women can love women, and people can love whomever they choose, or however many of whomever. If you are trans, you should be addressed by your preferred pronoun and you should be able to use the restroom of the gender of your identity. You should have the same rights as every other human being on the planet because (and hear me on this) THERE IS NOTHING 'WRONG' WITH YOU. 
• Women's Rights - See above. Look, can we just get one thing on the record here? If it weren't for women, there's not a single one of you reading this who would be here. Period. They work just as hard as (and in most cases, harder than) men, and deserve to be paid the same. Furthermore, how long do you think a government mandate on what a man could or couldn't do with his penis would last? About three seconds before people threw up their hands and became irate over it. So why is there a difference between women's reproductive rights and men's? And don't tell me "every life is sacred" and "life begins and conception," because I disagree with you, and will until we're both rotting corpses. Look, when it's your decision to carry a fetus to birth, let it destroy your body, and then be saddled with a quarter million dollars in costs raising the child, you get to make the choice. I raised two of them, so I feel qualified to talk about this.
• Ending child abuse - Seriously. If you even doubt this, you're not even human. I support Bikers Against Child Abuse. You don't want to piss them off. 
• Protecting the internet - I prefer the internet as a level playing field, without large companies getting the leg up on smaller independent companies. 
• More stringent gun laws - Note, I said stringent, not banning them. I don't mind if you own a gun (or several), but I also think it's too damned easy to get one in this country. I think that convicted felons shouldn't have them, and I also think there should be some kind of gun registry. Keep every gun you own. Just be a responsible gun owner. 
• Ending racism - Again, I don't even know why this is an issue today. If you're racist in any way, you don't belong in my life. If you truly believe that your race is better than another by virtue of skin tone, you're an idiot and you need to be educated. 
• Legalizing Marijuana - Yes, I feel weed should be legal. It's not nearly as harmful as other legal substances, and there are medicinal benefits. Plus, the revenue it could generate for each state is staggering. So make it legal already. 
• Destigmatizing mental health issues - Mental health issues have cost us too many people. Depression, schizophrenia, dissociative disorders... They're treatable, and they're not the fault of the person suffering from them. But we, as a society, look at people who suffer from mental issues and, instead of helping, we call them crazy. And it's killing people. I'm serious. It's time to be open and frank about mental illness, and to quit treating it like it's a big nasty secret. It isn't. It's real, and it kills people. 
• Funding the arts - Okay, so the NEA is getting hosed over right now, and that's a damned tragedy. Art is important. Music is important. Literature is important. These things help us to see the world around us. They help us come to grips with what it is to be human. And this isn't just limited to the NEA. PAY YOUR ARTISTS. If someone offered to pay you to do your job in "exposure," you'd laugh at them. Well, artists have bills too. And if you're offering to pay them in exposure, you're an asshole. 

Yeah. Take a look at that list. Any of those items on that list will likely send me up onto my soapbox and into a tirade about what's being done and what should be done. And there are more, so many more, things that I believe in, and the vast majority has to do with equality for everyone. And do you really want to call me a SJW for it? Okay. I'm cool with it.

See, here's the thing: We've had them throughout history. Activists, we called them. Advocates. People who stood up in front of the majority with picket signs, or chained themselves to buildings, or refused to sit in their assigned seating. And without those people, nothing would've changed. Think about that. If it weren't for those people, we would still be living the exact same existence that we did when slavery was legal, when beer was prohibited, and when beating the shit out of your kid for "disciplinary problems" built character. 

But how good of an SJW could I possibly be? First off, I eat meat, I'm a heterosexual white male, and I'm basically not a victim of any type of discrimination. No one pulls me over because of my skin tone, or looks at me strange when I fly on a commercial airline, or questions which bathroom I can go in. No one tells me what I can do with my body. And that's the thing. I enjoy all of those freedoms, and I feel like everyone else should enjoy them too. Everyone. Does that seem unreasonable?

So how can I make a difference? By not staying quiet. By using what little celebrity I have, and whatever voice I have, to make statements that people will listen to. I may not be able to move mountains (yet), but I can reach more people than the average schmoe on the street just by virtue of being a published author.

I can hear you now. "But Scott, it won't make any difference if I boycott a store. My shitty little dollars don't mean anything to a multi-million-dollar business." That's true. But you know what? My shitty little dollars do mean something to the mom-and-pop business that I frequent because I refuse to spend money at Chick-Fil-A because of their holier-than-thou, Christian-hate-spewing ownership. (*Note* Not all Christians are hateful. They're spewing hate and calling it Christianity, which is something that every real Christian should be screaming about.) My dollars allow them to stay in business, pay employees, and continue to keep food on their tables. Big shops may not give a damn about the $20 I didn't spend at their stores, but Mom-and-Pop?  That $20 could be the difference between staying open and closing shop.

One of the many things that made the term SJW a pejorative term is the notion that the people who stand up for these beliefs somehow lack conviction, are only doing it for the attention it garners them. That they are thin-skinned and are just looking for a fight. So let me make this clear: Test me. Test my convictions on any of the above points. See just how dead serious I am. I'll laugh at most jokes made in poor taste, usually adding that I (or the person who told the joke) am going to Hell for laughing at it. But when it's time to be serious, there's no joke. As for looking for a fight... Do you not see the fight in front of you? I'm not looking for it. It's already here. And you either fight, or you are swallowed. I'm not a "special snowflake," and I'm not looking for a "safe space" (though I feel some people need safe spaces). I just want what is decent and right. For everybody.

So, yeah. You can call me an SJW. Actually, I don't like the term "warrior" unless you've literally fought for your life. So I'd actually rather you call me, SAJ, an SJA (Social Justice Advocate). What does that mean? It means I believe that you (yes, you reading this) deserve all the same rights I have. I believe in equality. And I will fight for your rights as well as my own.

Until next time...

SAJ (SJA)